I mean, 50 years is pretty remarkable for any food out there, especially one that has come under so much scrutiny for having all the nutritional value of a wet shoe. However, I come here today not to complain about the annoying Toaster Strudel kid, but to celebrate an amazing milestone for Kellogg’s and the Pop-Tart. Yodeling should be reserved to mountain tops and the Cliffhangers game on The Price is Right. But I’m a blue collar breakfast eater, and I also want to punt this Toaster Strudel commercial directly into a Pop-Tart fire. Obviously, there are some 1%ers out there who will try to tell you that Toaster Strudel is far superior to Pop-Tarts, and they’re technically right if you’re into that whole fruit filling that actually tastes like fruit and icing that is actually melted and not potentially made from plaster way of life. Pop those suckers out of the tin foil, chow down and wipe the crust droppings off your shirts, fatties. Now, I’m no big shot city slicker fancy lawyer type, but putting a Pop-Tart in the toaster doesn’t really do anything for the flavor anyway. People were so quick to hop on that potential money train that Kellogg’s eventually had to print a warning on the box that people should not leave their toasters if they’ve put Pop-Tarts in them. While the flammable properties of the Pop-Tart were first brought to light in a 1992 lawsuit, it was Texas A&M Corpus Christi professor Patrick Michaud who really fired up product liability lawyers with his 1994 experiment that turned a simple Pop-Tart into a raging inferno. Oh, and there’s also that whole atomic balls of fire thing. Fortunately for Kellogg’s, the decision was reversed, and the company’s continued use of the “real fruit” claim still draws criticism and complaints over health concerns. Only 10 percent of the fruit filling is actually fruit, which is why the company had to stop saying that Pop-Tarts are “made with real fruit” in 2006. Again, this snack was reportedly created after Post developed the similar Country Square, and despite its emergence as the industry leader in saving tired parents time in the morning, the Pop-Tart was never meant to be mistaken for a source of nutrition. Of course, the history of the Pop-Tart isn’t exactly filled with gooey, heartwarming stories of the little, packaged breakfast pastry that could, nor is it exactly the healthiest alternative to a nice bowl of cereal and a glass of orange juice. Basically, the Pop-Tart is the Trent Dilfer of Kellogg’s foods. Sure, the company’s profits are down, but somehow the Pop-Tart remains a consistent and often improving seller. Fifty years later to the week, Kellogg’s and busy parents everywhere are celebrating the unlikely longevity of a bizarre but tasty “toaster pastry” that made for a suitable item to shove into a kid’s grubby hands as he was being shuffled out the front door to his bus stop. According to breakfast food lore, the Pop-Tart, like most great products, was allegedly just a knock-off of another company’s idea when it was introduced to stores in 1964.
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